I Am The Worm

Imagine, if you will, a time like no other.

No ‘safety in numbers’ for sister and brother.

We all must sequester away from each other.

I miss the warm hugs I once got from my mother.

“Times sure have changed.” How many times have you heard that phrase.? When I was a kid, my grandpa used to say it quite often when referring to religious practices, new music, advanced technology, even social etiquette. Of course, times have changed. Each day is a new day, filled with wonder and possibility. My Pinterest board is filled with inspirational quotes, like: “Design you day your way!” “Today is a blank canvas, go paint it.” I have many more “pins,” all affirming how endless possibilities are mine. And now, these possibilities include uncertainty. You see, there’s this new virus out. It’s called Covid-19, and it can kill us.  

We’ve been told to stay home and keep away from other people. They call it social distancing. At no time in history have I found anything quite like it. Yes, there have been other pandemics, tracing all the way back to biblical times, but this one’s more personal for many of us, because we’re having to experience it physically distanced from those we love. Suddenly, we’re cut off from our families, friends, churches, co-workers. For many, this is a lonely pandemic. “Designing my day my way" has left me wondering what the heck to do. The “blank canvas” I’m supposed to paint seems to be mocking me, haunting me.  

There’s a wonderful book by Mary O’Malley called What's in the Way Is the Way. In it she describes the journey of moving beyond our obstacles and into the joy of being fully alive. It seems I’ve been so busy trying to eschew fear, paranoia, and loneliness, that I haven’t been feeling fully alive.   Many who know me might find it surprising that I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life. On days I feel strong, I’m invincible. But there are many days I feel I’m barely holding on. I’ve learned to rely on prayer, meditation, and positive affirmations. (Hence, my Pinterest positivity board.) My spiritual family at Unity of Dallas has reminded me that I’m never alone. I imagine a world healed through spiritual awakening and connection. But what about now? We’re all literally disconnected. It feels like my power cord has been unplugged. But I remember that my power cord is not my power source.  

Now, more than ever, I must find a way to survive, to keep my head above water by relying only on Truth. Though I may feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I remind myself that I will not sink. I call upon what works for me—prayer and meditation. In quietness, I take deep, centering breaths.

I am alive. I am healthy and whole. I am a holy child of God, and I do not inherit sickness! I remain calm.

With eyes closed, I imagine a worm, seemingly all alone, immersed in his self-woven, silken shelter. This cocoon is his world for as long as is necessary. He has woven together life’s experiences with the potential of what can be. He holds no frustration or regrets, no worries about tomorrow. Only quietness and solitude. Soon, when the time is just right, he will emerge spiritually awakened and transformed.  

As I continue breathing, eyes closed, seeing the worm, I see myself. For I am the worm. I am sheltering in place, at peace, safe and warm. I have all I need. I am abundantly blessed, and I am grateful. Wherever I am, God is, and all is well. Namaste.